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A Step Back

Well, its finally December 1st and I feel its time to take a step back and give a little recap of what has been going on.  I feel like I've been in a whirlwind since returning from Vegas.

We returned and between work and my personal life - its been non-stop.  The biggest and most emotional moment came on September 26, when I lost my maternal grandmother.  We all grew up a very close-knit family and since my parents divorced when I was 9, we moved in with my mom's parents, my grandparents.  They practically raised me.  I lived with them until I got married and moved out at the age of 19.  She cooked and cleaned for me & my sister, was the one that would wake me up every morning with a cup of warm chocolate milk so I can get ready for school.  She would leave me $2 every day so I can buy lunch.  It wasn't always great - there were hard times, more than once she thought I was crazy and needed psychiatric help because I would lock myself up in my room and blast my music.  She didn't understand the modern teenager...LOL!!

When I got married I didn't see her as much and we did grow apart.  My grandparents and mom moved to Scranton, PA with my sister and I would only see them a few times a year.  But this is something I always took for granted.  Even though I didn't visit often, I always knew she would be there - although the reality is that NO - she wouldn't always be there.

She started suffering from dementia after a car accident she was in 4 years ago and that is when all the problems began.  A few days prior to the 26th of September, I got a message from my sister saying that my grandmother was in the hospital.  She went in for a urinary tract infection but it went septic - at this point, there was nothing more that could be done and the doctors recommended hospice.  That weekend I went up to visit and spend the day.  She wasn't awake, and they already had her on morphine for the pain.

I went to work that Monday, and by Tuesday my sister called and said that the nurse recommended for everyone to go see her as soon as possible because she didn't have much longer.  That Wednesday, I went back to PA with my hubby and kids.  We spent all day there and it got really late.  My husband couldn't miss another day of work and it was so late that I didn't want him driving back home alone, so I left with them.  An hour after we left, I got the call.  She was gone.  I was heartbroken!  I should have stayed.  That was the longest ride back home ever!!

The following week was all a blur.  I worked, then the weekend came and I went back up to PA to be with the family.  Her service was the following week and it was beautiful & sad.  So many memories came rushing back.  Now, all we have left is that, memories of her - so many good times, laughs & tears!

I am very fortunate to have been 42 years old when I lost my first grandmother, and still am very fortunate to have my grandfather and my paternal grandparents.  They are all older and I know they won't always be there.  I now am determined to try and spend as much time as I can with them.  I want to have recent memories with them, not just old ones.

Love You Tati!
4Ever in My Heart!

7/9/1936 - 9/26/2018


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